She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I currently don't understand fingers.
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