Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
