Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
