Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
