And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
