I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
