these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
