just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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