Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
