You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
