What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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