I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
