it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
