peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
