Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
