I bet he comes in French.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
