i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
