Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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