what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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