I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
