capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
