hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
