You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
