I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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