Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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