Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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