Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
