i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
