Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
