There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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