I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
