I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
