I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
