Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
