im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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