A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
