this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
