Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Shitshow foam night was such a success
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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