you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
