Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
