he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
