my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
