if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
