we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
