Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
