Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mom said you looked used
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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