just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
