I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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