i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
