I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
