the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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