I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
