Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
