i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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