Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
