Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
